


I Never Met a Pub I Didn't Like

by Sophie



Category: Blue Beetle (Comic), DCU
Genre: Gen, Silly, Superheroes, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-03
Updated: 2011-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-14 08:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/147589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophie/pseuds/Sophie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaime needs to learn how to say no to people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Met a Pub I Didn't Like

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irrelevant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrelevant/gifts).



> Hello, stranger! Here is a complete fic for you in case your official one is never updated. I hope it does get updated either way, and then you'll have two Yuletide fics, and it will be awesome.
> 
> This fic takes place somewhere between issue 15 and 19 of Blue Beetle.
> 
> Thanks to [Tali](http://archiveofourown.org/users/inabathrobe) for the beta, and to [Toast](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dytabytes), who helped me with Guy's voice.

"Tell me these things weren't alive."

The Scarab stops him when he tries killing trees, so, really, if the pieces spread all around them were alive when they were still all attached together and moving, he should have stopped him this time, too. It's very clear that they're not alive now, and Jaime doesn't know if he's supposed to feel good about it or not.

"Did they look human to you?"

"That... That was not the question." Of course, Jaime shouldn't have expected Guy Gardner of all people to worry about grand moral questions. Or — Well, okay, the man is a Green Lantern, and even though Jaime doesn't have the highest opinion of him, Green Lanterns are the good guys. Good guys in some sort of army. They have very strict rules in the army. It really can't be that bad.

"Your people've been attacked by a flock of alien things, I was flying around, I saved your ass, and no one died. Stop worrying about stupid stuff, kid."

"You didn't save my—"

"You know what you should be thinking about?"

"So _were_ they aliens?"

"How. To. Celebrate."

Jaime looks miserable, but if Guy sees anything, he ignores it entirely. Maybe, his expressions don't show as well when he's wearing the armour. He could try making faces in front of the mirror tonight to see how well they show. He's looked at himself plenty of times as Blue Beetle — both in mirrors and on television — but he's never really looked at his face. It's awkward to look at his own face when it looks like his face and doesn't really at the same time.

 _Not aliens. Constructs._

At least, he has alien tech in his spine telling him useful things while Guy Gardner doesn't. Or head? Should he say the Scarab is in his head when he's speaking to Jaime, even though the Scarab's technically not moving?

It would be very creepy if the Scarab started moving under his skin. Creepier than the whole deal already is for sure. Is the Scarab a he? Maybe Jaime should call him an it. Call it an it. Tech usually doesn't have a gender, does it? It's a very weird question to ask to a piece of parasite technology currently residing under your skin. He'll have to think about asking some other time.

"Constructs? Where did they come from?"

"Woah, kid, you gotta stop working now. No threat anymore."

"But— They were constructs! They had to come from _somewhere_."

"Listen to the voice of experience. It's telling you now is the time we reward ourselves with beer."

"I— What? Do you remember what happened the last time you decided you wanted to go to a bar and thought it was a good move to bring me along?"

Guy waves away Jaime’s arguments with a sweep of his hand.

"Eh. That wasn't a good place. We'll go somewhere else."

If there's one thing Jaime is very, very bad at, it's saying no to people. He's not sure how anyone can say no to anyone about anything. It's impossible.

"I'm, uh, eighteen." He feels like he should point this out, even though he doesn't think it's going to change Guy's ideas about how they're going to spend the rest of the night. He's wrong.

"Really? 'Cause you don’t look a day over sixteen, kid."

"I'm not sure I grew during that year in space, but it doesn't sh— Wait! You thought I was sixteen all this time?"

"Can't tell me you're the tallest in your class, can you?"

And no, he really can't. He pouts. The Scarab isn't saying anything, but it feel like he's mocking Jaime a little.

"And hey, if you're eighteen... We're a whole minute away from Mexico if you want this to be nice and legal. You speak Spanish, right?"

Jaime hides his face in his hand. "That’s just as bad."

"Hey, it’s all legal and everything! What’re you complaining about?” Guy doesn’t give Jaime any time to answer as he keeps on talking and gets airborne. “Nothing, that’s what. Now, c'mon."

"You're not going to grab any waitress's— anything curvy?"

Guy laughs. "Wow. You need to loosen up, kid."

"Or, uh, any woman's at all?" Jaime corrects quickly.

"I can keep my hands to myself, but no way can I control the ladies if they're all over me."

"I guess that's good enough...?"

They take off, even though Jaime is still not sure he really wants to spend time in a bar with Guy Gardner. He contacts his people while they're flying, so they'll start working on trying to figure out if the constructs were sent by anyone and if they're still in danger. He doesn't tell Guy he's doing it.

"Shouldn't we... land?" Jaime asks when they're getting close to the border.

Guy doesn't look at him. "You kidding me, kid?"

"Uh..."

"We're goddamn superheroes. Since when do we stop at customs? I don't see Superman making pit stops at every border he hits when he's on his way to save kittens in France."

They're not really on their way to save anyone, and Jaime doesn't think Superman goes to France to save kittens. He's always thought superheroes saving kittens was an urban legend.

"Is that even true?" Jaime asks after they've landed and changed into street clothes.

"What?"

"That Superman saves cats when they're stuck in trees."

"Sure is. He’s called the boy scout for a reason, y’know. I mean, okay, you wouldn't see Batman doing anything like that, but that’s because he’s got his rep to think about."

The way Guy rolls his eyes tells Jaime exactly what the man thinks of Batman and his rep.

It reminds Jaime of the first time he'd helped Batman (not that there has been an official second one or anything, but it's cool to think of it as 'the first time'; it opens up possibilities for more times) when Batman had told Jaime to say he'd helped Superman, instead of him.

 _Probably his fault._

The Scarab agrees with him, and Jaime smiles. "You just don't like him because he's a Lantern," he mutters.

 _Not only._

Guy doesn't hear him and keeps on talking. "If you ask me, though, I’m pretty sure it's already gone straight out the window— Half the damn world thinks he's so freakin' cool and shiny. They've never worked with the man, that's for sure. No one'd think he's anything good after _that_."

Jaime still thinks so, and something tells him that, whatever the problem between Guy Gardner and Batman is, it's coming from Guy's end of things.

Guy leads them into a bar. He looks like he knows the place, but he always looks so confident about everything, even when he has no idea what he's doing or what is going on, so it might not mean anything at all. The place isn't packed, but it's not late yet. It looks like the kind of place that _will_ fill up sometime during the night.

Not that they're going to stay that long because it's a school night.

"Your turn, kid."

"What?"

"You're the one who can speak the language. Get us two beers."

Jaime frowns and looks at Guy incredulously. "I thought you were joking!"

"I never joke about beers. They're serious business."

"No! About the—" He sighs. "Can't your ring make you understand and speak every language ever? From any planet in the universe?"

Guy raises his arms up in the air in an 'I didn't do it' gesture. "No rings off-duty."

"And you don't know how to ask for beer in Spanish? Isn't that the one thing everyone learns in sixth grade?" It had made Jaime uncomfortable to hear all the white kids joke around about only learning stupid things in Spanish in middle school.

"Just do it. Don't be so difficult."

 _I could electrocute him enough for him to lose consciousness._

"No," Jaime hisses to the Scarab.

"No?"

"I mean, yes! Yeah, sure. I'll do it. Whatever. No problem. There are no problems."

Except that Jaime has never drunk any alcohol in his life and, even though it's legal where he is right now, it's not where he lives three hundred and sixty-five days a year. It still feels illegal.

He stares at the mug when the waiter brings it. Guy's is half-empty before it even touches the table.

"Do you have any money?" Jaime suddenly asks, feeling very stupid that he hadn't thought about this earlier.

" 'Course I do."

"Money we can, you know, _spend here_?"

"They take American money anywhere near enough to the border. No need for anything fancy."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty much."

Jaime is suddenly very worried that they won't be able to pay, that they'll have to run away from the bar in the middle of the night, and that he'll have to explain to his parents why the Mexican police are looking for him.

It's a good enough reason to drink down the beginning of his beer. He doesn't like it.

The Scarab _purrs_ under his skin.

"Oooh, no. No! No, no, no. You are so not allowed to like alcohol at all. Do you hear me?"

 _Really good._

"You're supposed to stop me from doing stupid things!"

Guy is grinning at him when he looks up. "I sure hope you're not talking to me."

"No. I— The Scarab—"

"Your alien tech likes beer? Man, that could have made Ted so much more bearable. He never knew how to drink."

"You used to go out drinking with Ted Kord?"

"Booster and I would drag him along. He was the geekiest geek you've ever met. Wouldn't drink much and couldn't hold his liquor. Damn if the _boy_ wasn’t a talkative drunk, though."

Jaime doesn't want to be a talkative drunk. Or any type of drunk at all. He's going to drink his beer very slowly, even if the Scarab disagrees with that, and won't be ordering another one after that.

"Is that when you were also working with Batman?"

"Yep, that's when. Leading the Justice League and all. Those were the glory days, but... Eh, it got boring." Guy's mug is empty in the next few seconds, and Jaime wonders how anyone can drink anything that fast.

"Why don't you get us another pair of beers?"

"I've taken two sips of mine."

"Keep the second one for later, then."

Guy is done with the two new beers before Jaime's is half empty.

"D'you know what would be really hilarious?"

"A lot of things?"

"If your sister became a Lantern. She’s got the spirit, the little monster, and the Corps would love her for sure."

Jaime's expression darkens. "I don't know." He stares at the mug in front of him. "I mean, maybe, yes? She's great and I love her. But— My parents need a child whose life expectancy is more than thirty years." So maybe he gets tipsy way, way too fast, and maybe he's a sad drunk.

 _Need to talk. The Lantern can understand._

Or maybe it's simply as the Scarab says.

"Penny for your thoughts, kid."

"Superheroes— We don't last all that long, do we? It's not the safest job on the planet. I want to graduate, right? And be a dentist if a school somewhere will take me with a scholarship. But I will still have the Scarab. It's part of me now. We complete each other, and I won't stop being Blue Beetle. I already have a hard time counting how many times I've nearly died since it all started. My parents— They're proud of me, they always will be, but I know they're scared to death. They don't need that for both their children."

"You're gonna die real fast if you keep thinking that way."

"But don't you ever think about it?"

The waiter comes to their table to pick up the empty beer glasses and asks if they want anything else. Guy smirks, throws a look at Jaime, and very deliberately smacks the man's ass.

Jaime is still in shock after they've been thrown out.

"What?" Guy asks, grinning from ear to ear, as they're flying over the border in the other direction. "You said no _women_."


End file.
